Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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