would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Define "chronic" masturbator.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
