you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm just crazy horny about you
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
