If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
