Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
