The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And then he peed in my hair
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