Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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