DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
