Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
