apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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