He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
