She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
