The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
