he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
