just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
