soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
