are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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