Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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