he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel like a drive thru vagina
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
