FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
