I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how can u be prego again
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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