I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
