There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
