I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
