I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
