My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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