Don't you send me to vm
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
