it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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