my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
