Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
