Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
