so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
