they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
