ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
