Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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