I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
