I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
