the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
