so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
