we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
