my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
