Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
