thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
"it" just moved
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
