dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
