Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
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