Moan for me like Helen Keller
she told me i tasted like america
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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