My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
