id be glad to
he was CRYING into my vagina
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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