what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
