nut hugger
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
