yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
