I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
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