I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
