I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize