can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
