Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
