Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I smell stomach acid.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
