oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
