Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
